I”M SO FUCKING SICK
OF TRYING TO GET WHAT I WANT TO HAPPEN, TO HAPPEN
I’m so fucking sick of trying to get what I want to happen, to happen. First of all, it’s too easy. Second, in the big picture, it’s impossible because a) everything is always changing all the time and b) it only ever seems to deliver me to the next thing I want. Maybe the real problem is memory… I can’t seem to remember any of this for very long. So I keep trying to get what I want. Day after day… for all these years… and what am I, if I don’t want anything?
The comedian Gary Shandling has a great bit where he sorta nervously and sheepishly says, “You know I’ve tried everything. Exercise. Self-help books. New clothes. Being vegan. Meditation. But I still just keep turning into Gary Shandling…. And you know…. I did not see that coming!”
The other day I watched a young employee at the Patagonia HQ store in Ventura CA try on clothes for an elderly woman who said he was about the same size and age as her grandson. When he noticed me watching he got sorta self-conscious and started nervously asking her a lot of questions about her grandson. “How old is he?” “What kind of music does he like?” “Is he from Ventura?” etc. Pretty soon, I swear I could see her grandson standing there. Who was that?
The junco is a common North American bird with a sprawling set of physical traits and markings which make it difficult (for humans) to identify. At some point, ornithologists decided it wasn’t a single species. Suddenly, there was no more junco. At first, it was broken into 5 new species, then more… becoming as many as 12, even 15 different species. But then as scientists became able to study genetic information, it turned out they weren’t different species of birds! And though the area of science which studies this sort of thing – biological systematics – is still arguing about it a bit, for most birders, it is once again known as, the junco.
Twice in the last month, I watched the movie Bohemian Rhapsody on airplanes. The first time was without sound but, since I knew the story, it was easy for me to follow. The next time, with sound, it was different. It made me cry. But it was too intense. I mean, I didn’t want to know that much.
I wish I could remember that desire is usually a readymade ruin… and knowledge often behaves like a placebo. I mean everything is always changing all the time and self, without me knowing it, often functions like a meta-karaoke performance of... self.
So I’m attempting to remember that, in the end, it’s not design; it’s not art; it’s not this, nor that; not speech,
not silence; there’s no me, no you; it’s always the same: however you approach it, whatever you call it, whatever you think you want... you’re mistaken.
OOIEE (Office Of Interior Establishing Exterior) is a transdisciplinary, open practice founded by Matt Olson after his first studio RO/LU ended. They work on projects driven by a sprawling set of interests related to art, design, architecture, and landscape. The studio sees all things as connected and is committed to following what it loves rather than attempting to decide what it does.